Online Dating Scams: How to Spot & Avoid them

Millions of dollars are being lost each year to online dating scams, victims of which are increasing by the day. Here are some quick facts and stats regarding online dating scams:

• $1 billion was lost in online romance scams in the US in 2021.
• People aged 70 and above reported losing $9,000 on average.
• Online dating scams increased by 80% in 2021 compared to the previous year.

Types of online dating scams

The dating scams mentioned below are the most common ones these days. However, it’s important to remember that scammers adopt new techniques every day. While it may be impossible to keep up with all the new techniques that scammers develop, one should be aware of the red flags. 

It usually starts with a seemingly harmless conversation with someone online. This could be on a Facebook group, WhatsApp group, Tinder, or any other dedicated dating website, platform, or app. 

Once you’ve chatted for a while, the scammer will ask you to move the conversation on to a private chat such as on WhatsApp, Messenger, or some other private messaging app.

Military scams

Dating scams are all about storytelling. The scammer will paint a beautiful picture and make you fall for it. The most common type of dating scam is the one where the scammer impersonates a high-ranking military official. They will often use military jargon and code words.

Such scammers will want you to send them money for air tickets so that they can come to you, while promising to return the money in person. And of course, they take the ticket money and never show up.

Honey traps

Honey traps usually target high profile personalities in possession of sensitive information or documents. In such cases, the scammer usually shares intimate photos or makes advances to gain your trust and in exchange asks you to provide information, or do something for them in return.

Victims of honey trap can face emotional and social damage that can have long-term consequences. Those who get charged with sharing classified government information can face life sentences too.

Intimacy scams

Intimacy scams involve the scammer basically making you believe you’re in a relationship with them through various manipulation tactics to scam you out of money. 

It may seem in your best interest to help this person out financially, but as soon as you make the transfer, the scammer will block you.

Code verification scams

If your online date asks you to move to a different platform that requires you to log in with your social profiles or existing email address, this could be a code verification scam.

Scammers set up fake websites and collect your credentials. Once they have that, they can use it to access your bank account and steal your money.

Photo scams

This kind of scam is done to blackmail victims into paying the scammer. The scammer will manipulate the victim into sharing compromising photos of themselves. They will then threaten them with making the photos public unless they are paid. They may use these photos to blackmail victims repeatedly.
As the saying goes:

“Crushes will fade, but JPEGs will remain forever”

Inheritance scams

Inheritance scams have evolved over time. In the early days, potential victims would receive emails from scammers who claim to be the heir of a rich, deceased person. Back then and even today, the scammer would say that in order to get that inheritance, they need to be married as that is one of the clauses of the will.

To get married, the scammer would request you to send them money so they can come to you, and marry you. In the earlier days of online scamming, such a scam was pulled over emails. Nowadays, the scammers have evolved and have moved to instant messaging apps like WhatsApp, Messenger, and Telegram.

How to spot an online dating scam –  spot the red flags!

There are many red flags of internet dating scams. Here are a few you should look out for:

LDRs

In such cases, the scammer will claim to live very far away, that’s why they can’t meet you. They will often be gone for hours, or even days, then come back with a silly excuse and let you jump start the conversation right from where you left it.

Understand that a scammer will never ever meet you in person and will always make up some excuse.

Inconsistent grammar and spellings

If whoever you’re talking to online keeps making inconsistent mistakes in their  grammar, and spellings that might be concerning. You may chalk it up to auto-correct, but it’s usually not that.

Scammers often work in teams, so they can be available for you all the time. This is why their writing style keeps changing.

No digital footprint

Not having any digital presence elsewhere is a huge red flag.

The person might just be a private person, but if they were, why are they willing to be on an online dating app. It’s definitely a sign that you should proceed with caution.

The relationship is moving fast

There is a lot of conversation happening between you and your date. It’s been just a few days since you two started talking to each other and you both have already dropped the L-bomb.

Unless you’re in highschool, relationships don’t move that fast in real life. If it is moving at such a fast pace, consider this a red flag and keep your guard up.

Asking for money

No matter what the story it is that they are telling, if it boils down to you helping them with some money, be sure that this is a scam. Because otherwise, who would ask for money from someone they don’t know? Obviously the ones who are scamming.

In most cases, the scammer will take your money and vanish. In some cases, they will stick around and try to extort more money. However, the latter will only happen if you have paid the money, but not yet realized that you have been deceived.

The person asks too many personal details

If a date that you hardly know is asking too many personal details, address, workplace, and other things, this may be an extremely dangerous scam that you must steer away from. If, instead of your financial information, your personal information is being collected, it can later be used to blackmail you.

Such scams focus on harvesting two types of information from the victim. Their personal details and those of their family and friends, alongside compromising information or images that can tarnish their reputation if leaked online. When a scammer victimizes a person in this way, they can continue to extort money repeatedly for a long period of time.

How to stay safe from dating scams online

Before you turn your online friendship into an online relationship, make sure you have given the following pointers some thought.

Keep your conversations limited to the platform or group

While it may be extremely tempting to take the conversation off the dating site or a platform that you first interacted on, it is extremely important to carry on the conversation for a considerable amount of time, enough for other platform users or group members to notice and luckily interact.

If the person you are trying to date has a reputation of scamming people, chances are that someone will participate in the conversation you are having with your potential date, and give their five cents.

Insist on meeting in person, or talking on phone or a video call

If you have taken your conversation to a private chat or platform, the first thing you must do is snoop a little. While you can do some digging on your own, you can just ask your potential date for an in-person meeting. In most cases, your offer would be rejected. The scammer may cite reasons like a busy schedule, or that they live  far away from you.

Don’t let this be the final nail in the coffin. If they refuse to meet in person, ask them for a live video call. Until you say this, the scammer can continue to mislead you with photos or videos that are not their own. If your request for a video call gets rejected, consider this a big red flag.

Never pay anyone you haven’t met

A scammer will always ask for a specific payment method, and will always be in a hurry. Scammers usually build a story, and make you fall for it. It may look like you are saving a life or are about to get rich. No matter how attractive the prospects are, never bring money in the equation with someone you have never met.

In most cases, scammers create fake profiles which is the only way you can communicate with them. When a victim makes the transaction, it’s easy for scammers to delete their account and create a new one with a new name, or just block you.

Do not share personal information

Sharing personal information with someone can put them at an advantage. Even though they might be sharing it too, one can never be sure of the real identity of someone who only communicates with you from behind a screen.

No matter how tempting it may seem, reject all requests for sharing personal information. You can put off this question for a later time and request your date to ask only when they meet you in person.

Do not share compromising intimate photos

A compromising photo is one that reveals your identity in a private situation. If it gets into the device (read hands) of someone it is not intended for, the victim faces a lot of embarrassment and reputational loss.

No matter what the situation may be, it is highly emphasized that one must not take intimate photos of themselves and send it to anyone. In some situations, it can be a criminal offence too, and can land you in serious trouble with the law. 

If you are someone who sends and receives photos of such nature often, here are some tips that will keep you safe when things go south.

• Crop out your face, birthmarks, tattoos, or any other physical identity that can be used to identify you.
• Use a plain white wall as your background.
• Ensure your furniture or any other belongings are not in the frame.
• Before you send it, set such photos to be viewed once only, if your choice of messaging app supports it.
• Set an additional password or a biometric login on your messaging app.
• Ensure that your phone is password protected. 
• Put a password on your gallery too if your device has that feature.
• Turn off auto-backup of your camera photos to the cloud.